Marianne Williamson is Right – I am afraid of the light, not the darkness

I went online a few weeks ago and started browsing the catalog of the local library.

My primary search was holistic health; mind, body, spirit; Deepak Chopra; and how to heal.

I ended up reserving a lot of books. The one I started reading today is called “The Shadow Effect” by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson. I started reading it earlier and while everything was resonating with me, I got the vibe I needed to get my errands done. So I did. I ran out, I went to the UPS Store, the bank, the grocery store and the library to pick up more books. When I got back I played with our cat Jinx, made some gluten free cornbread and watched Frasier on Netflix. (Frasier is my favorite TV show.)

I then decided to check boston.com and cnn.com to see if any news headlines were worth reading. I am fascinated by the volcano in Hawaii right now. I think it is amazing (and also awful because it destroys homes, etc.) – thankfully no one has died because of this happening.

Anyway, while I was reading about the latest on the volcano, there was an article on the sidebar of CNN about earthquakes and how CA had 5 of them in one day all around the same time as each other.

I never gave up thinking about earthquakes or other natural disasters. In fact, I still get vibes about them. In my curiosity I read the earthquake article and knew it wasn’t over. Yet again, here I am with these earthquake vibes that make me a little frustrated. They make me frustrated because I don’t like them. I would rather not know things or feel things about them because it makes me feel a little weary. And I am hesitant to put the vibes online again after the whole 2012/2013 mess. (Which I am happy it didn’t happen BTW.)

In all of the over 200 vibes I posted online from 2009 to 2013, just one didn’t happen and I got ripped to sh*t online by trolls for it. I have people who still reach out to me, wanting to know what I am feeling, etc. because it can be of use to them and I wonder if I should start putting stuff out there again.

The scary thing for me is that since 2013 when I took my blog down more research has come out over the years validating what my visions were. It was thought – back then – that the earthquakes and disasters I was warning people about couldn’t happen because of the types of faults they are. But come to find out, everything I was seeing back then is possible and that is a scary thought for me.

I have had an hour long conversation with Judith Orloff (who is an empath and psychiatrist specializing in helping sensitive people) and she told me many things but the one thing she emphasized was that I needed to start seeing my abilities in a positive light again. Not see them as a burden, as negative, etc. And that I needed to shift this thinking and feeling. This is something I do struggle with but I am working on it.

Realizing I can help you guys, share my gifts and abilities, help you grow yours and forewarn you of danger are all positive things. I was afraid my attempt to warn people was received as negative. In fact I was also called a “fear monger” by a few trolls on Twitter. But I never ever intend on scaring people – only helping them. So if I do start doing things again like I used to (and even amp them up a lot), know I come from a good positive place. And if I can help someone prepare for a natural disaster in advance, I will be happy – even if it is just one person who puts together a safety kit.

After I read the CNN earthquake article I got the vibe that I needed to read something in the book I am reading. Granted I am only 24 pages in, so I felt the need to open the book to a random page and it was a whole section that spoke to me.

It was about how, as Marianne Williamson put “It is or light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” and that is true for me. I think it is true for a lot of people. Do you fear success? I do. I don’t know what it is that I fear about being successful but I will dig a little within myself to figure that out.

But this is why I am posting this. We need to rise up and be our true self even if we are afraid of peaking through the darkness and letting our light shine. Almost like if we were to be caught or found or discovered as being awesome – like it were a bad thing so we hide – but in essence it is a wonderfully positive thing.

No matter what we do we are usually met with some negativity or resistance but I have noticed recently; those are the things I need to do most.

I have been yelled at, put down and made fun of for playing the piano and practicing for hours on end. (I can really get caught up in it.) I have been told to “go with Jesus” like I am not with God even though my practice of healing, energy work and intuitiveness are only centered on God, Jesus and positive deities from many religions. I have been called a “fear monger” for trying to prepare people for natural disasters (while thanking God that specific ONE didn’t happen because it would have been the worst natural disaster in history) but in essence only trying to make sure we are prepared and don’t get to comfortable (for lack of a better wording). When things get quiet sometimes we let our guard down, when in fact we need to make sure we have our ducks in a row.

I read another article – 2 weeks ago – about how the Oakland area is due for a big earthquake. I was afraid to watch the Red Sox game that night … but I watched it anyway. But scientists are saying they happen consistently and that the time has come due.

My point of the “don’t get too comfortable” is that you can live your lives and do what you do – happily without fear. But don’t put away your earthquake kit because its has been awhile since the last one.

I have been told that I redo my website too often. Well, thanks to this, it is updated pretty regularly, it is highly functional, and it has come a long way since my first one in 2008 with Moonfruit as my host. I have also become so knowledgeable about making websites that I offer my services to others on the side. In fact, this past December I renovated the website of a local newspaper and am still maintaining it. And while I am pondering if I should switch from Weebly hosting and email marketing to Shopify and back to MailChimp … I know the change is something I can do because I can (I have done it many times before). I just don’t know if it is worth it functionality wise.

I have also been told to not post things online but then I meet these people with resistance because I WANT to put things online (but I am afraid to – I am living in the darkness).

But what would happen if I said f*ck it and emerged from the darkness so my light could shine bright as can be? I don’t know.

— I do want to say though that, on a side note, I do think something is brewing for CA – the ring of fire is a little hot right now for my liking. And the intuitive vibes I get and what I am hearing isn’t all that great. So dust off your kits – or make sure you have one all together. —

There was/is a reason why I was supposed to put my blog back online. I reposted EVERY SINGLE blog post I ever did on here. And the file was corrupted so I couldn’t do it automatically as a file import. I had to use the converted ebook I made (I had the blog .xml file converted to an ebook back in 2013) and I had to repost over 700 posts individually. But I did it. Why? I don’t know yet. I felt this strong need to put this all online again. So, we will see.

Reading back on this post I realized I wasn’t done. So the message here is to stop hiding in the shadows and let our light emerge. And how the things we are criticized for the most are probably those things we actually need to be doing the most. It is usually the biggest, most important things we do that get met with the most resistance.

Yes, I do still play the piano. Going on 22 years. Beethoven is my favorite and I like a good challenge piece.

Yes, I do still read people. I do still offer Reiki and I do still change my website when I feel like I need to.

No, as of recent I haven’t posted recent vibes but I think I need to.  And like anything else, it is important for all of you to stop fearing the light. Sometimes we get too comfortable hiding in the darkness.

Thank you Marianne Williamson

Namaste all