Growing up with undiagnosed endometriosis from around 11 or 12 years old (the start of my cycle) until the time it was diagnosed (4 years later) I was in horrible, sharp, stabbing pain. Nauseated and crying with a super heavy flow, occasional vomiting and diarrhea, and pain that even 1,000mg of Motrin every 4 hours wouldn’t quell.
During that time I would be bent over in pain and feeling awful. Most months I spent the first couple days of my period at home. I missed school and a few times, ended up in the ER. And though the horrid experience would somewhat subside after the first few days, I was still in discomfort the remainder of the cycle or even the rest of the month. To be honest, I spent many a first couple days of my period at things like – a concert for TSO, on a plane back from LAX to Boston, going to family members houses and spending most of the time in the bathroom in misery.
The reason was simple. From the start of all my menstrual problems (and also having grown up with bowel issues, starting at 6 months old) my father told me “no matter what I am feeling, no matter how much pain I am in, no matter how bad I am feeling, I still have to do stuff. I can’t stop my life because I don’t feel well. I need to do things anyway.” It has been my life-long mantra.
Sure, I had thoughts as a kid, it would be easier to not be alive than deal with the severe pain and symptoms of my illnesses – something I expressed in middle school. But I was never suicidal. I knew and still know I am here for a reason and that I signed up for everything I have experienced. – A way for my soul to grow, develop and gain experience. (Something I learned on my own.) Plus, ironically, as a medium who communicates with the dead – I fear death. I am not going anywhere.
The important thing to know is, when we aren’t feeling well, we can rise up and decide whether this will defeat us, or whether we want to try and overcome. Even though I feel unwell in some way, shape or form, my life doesn’t stop. And it started with what my father told me in grade and middle school.
It is really quite mental. Resilience. And if we choose to, we can decide whether we want to do what we can to improve, to live and the like or whether we just want it to defeat us.