Does anyone else feel like they are being majorly tested by the universe and/or their guides?
Every now and then I feel this way. It just so happens I feel this way today.
Monday is one of my days off (thankfully I work for a company that is considered essential and I work remote year-round.) Today I felt the urge to run to the store and get some stuff. My therapist advised I go 1 time per week to the store versus 2 times per week to help with the OCD and because of my immune system deficiency. I needed proteins, so today was as good a day as any.
My plan was to run to Market Basket first, get what I can, then run into Stop and Shop after MB to fill in the gaps. (SS is way more expensive than MB.) But when I got to MB the parking lot was full. I then decided to call an audible and go to BJ’s Wholesale Club. I found a ton of stuff there that I wasn’t able to fun at grocery stores, like: tomato sauce, soap, chicken, beef, eggs, and hand soap. Then I went to MB to fill in the gaps of BJ’s. MB was still very busy. Then to SS for one remaining item I couldn’t find at any other store. I am pretty sure I won’t need to go to the store for over a week now. Mission accomplished.
I managed to get back from shopping and not feel like I needed a shower (OCD brain). I also felt like I did a good job and moderately accomplished. But I was in high anxiety mode.
I went about the rest of the afternoon, when, while making dinner, I saw a bug on the cabinet. I asked Garrett (my fiance) to kill it and he did. When asked what kind of bug it was, he thought it was kind of like a roach or something. He looked it up but I ended up messaging someone I know, who confirmed it was a roach. I have never seen a roach before, nor have I had any roach related issues. All I know is this one was squished fast for something that is supposed to survive nuclear war.
I freaked out. I was already maxed out energetically. I was still anxious and in high-OCD mode from my shopping experiences. My face got beat red (worse than normal) and hot. I was pacing around and asking questions of my fiance, my dad and our friend. I was shifting my thoughts to gratitude for our living situation, to never have had a roach before. I kept trying to shift focus and reframe my thinking. Eventually I put on Frasier (my favorite TV show and one I find comforting) and tried to mellow out. My cheeks are still a bit red – going on 6 hours now – but they aren’t as red as they were. The sheer heat coming from them for a few hours after the roach incident was insane. And within about an hour of it, I cried. I can only handle so much and bugs – of any kind – are a huge trigger and slight phobia-like thing for me. I reached my breaking point.
Now I feel a bit better. Still unhappy about the bug situation but thankful there was only 1 bug not more. And I am hoping the bug situation will be taken care of tomorrow.
Every time I think about this situation I feel like I am being tested. Between the global pandemic, the weirdness of no one being out and no traffic and major restrictions all around; my own health problems, the repercussions from going out on a cold rainy day, the anxiety and OCD issues, plus the cherry on the sundae – the bug roach – I was toast.
To navigate through this afternoon – post shopping – I changed into warm clothes. I wrapped up in a blanket, listened to binaural music on Insight Timer while holding Touch Point Solutions tappers. Then I did a lot of cognitive reframing, feeling my body/mind and regulating how I was feeling emotionally and mentally.
To navigate through this evening – post bug – I got really hot, especially my cheeks – I was anxious and OCD ridden. I cried, I talked it through with people, I did more cognitive reframing and more mind/body regulating and while I am not 100% feeling right now, I am better than I was. I feel like I can go to bed now and be moderately okay, although I will probably worry about bugs all night and probably dream about them too.
Our mind is wicked powerful. We have the ability to do so much.
I am pretty sure I am being tested. In this light, is there anything going on in your life that makes you feel you are being tested by the universe, by your guides, etc.?